Monday, May 11, 2009


- missed alot of school

- 35th day with mr. arrogant:3
- best friend is back
- Beat ropssaa time ^_^
- english essay finished with in 3 days after weeks of procrastination? yee boy :)


- miss alot of school
- best friend is back with a new gee ( im happy/not happy for him)

there are things that im not sure about.. i know im not worthy of a love story and i know you know nothing about how i feel. its not your fault. but please let me in someday. For now i need to install L O V E :)

Tech Support:
Yes, ma'am, how can I help you?

Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support:
Yes, I can help you, are you ready to proceed?

Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I do first?

Tech Support:
The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located your Heart ma'am?

Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it okay to install Love while they are running?

Tech Support:
What programs are running ma'am?

Let's see, I have Past-Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge, and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support:
No problem, Love will gradually erase Past-Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory, but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of it's own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ma'am?

I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support:
With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have completely erased.

Okay, done, Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support:
Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error-program not run on external components. What should I do?

Tech Support:
Don't worry ma'am, It means the Love program is set-up to run on Internal Hearts but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

So what should I do?

Tech Support:
Can you pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following files: Forgive-Self; Realise Your Worth; and Acknowledge Your Limitations.

OK, done.

Tech Support:
Now copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Got it. Hey!!! My Heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support:
Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually everyone gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang-up, Love is FreeWare. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool modules back to you.

I promise to do just that. By the way, what's your name?

Tech Support:
Just call me the Divine Cardiologist, also known as the Great Physician, or just "I AM." Most people feel all they need is an annual check-up to stay heart-healthy, but the manufacturer (ME) suggests a daily maintenance schedule for maximum Love efficiency.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

nothing i expected

the plan for today was to

sleep on bus - didnt happen
be with him - didnt happen
run 1.5 k get it over with - didnt happen
sleep on bus - didnt happen

it didn't work out for me today. & today i just couldn't go with the flow like a usually do.
i chose to be mad, upset, angry, i just chose to let everything affect me today.. when i could've just ignoredand accept it.

ive been so out of it lately... i haven't been my self and i hate it
im changing and i can tell its for the worste.
I'm not like this. i hate being emotional and i hate being paranoid all the time
im so sorry.

"she's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way
her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day
she said to me that she's so stressed out that it's soothing
and all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"

relient k - mood ring

Sunday, April 26, 2009


-did you kiss her?
-yes i did.

I don't know why. but i couldn't function for the whole day yesterday because i thought about the same things over and over again. I know it shouldn't bother me at all. I'm not mad at you and I'm not mad at her, I have no reason to be. all i can say is it hurt to hear it. Even though i already knew the answer before i asked. it hurt. And for the whole day i didn't know how to talk to you, i think i played it cool enough.. so you didn't notice how much it affected me. ill try and get over this... but for now i don't want to hold your hand, i don't even want to see you but at the same time i do. why does every thing you say and everything you've already said seem like lies to me now. I'm sorry i know its stupid, and i hope i get over it.

I never really told you what i was most scared of... take a guess.

and this is probably the most corniest thing i have ever written.
see what blogs due to me?
sorry for the rant. if anyone actually wasted their time reading this which hopefully no one is. im sorry.

...........and this is what i was feeling today.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Here it goes.

So the whole writing bits and pieces of my life for people to see makes me feel a little uneasy. But i think it could help me to just remember how i felt on certain days and most importantly why.. cause seriously i don't know why i do the things i do sometimes.
agghh its been so long since I've used html, I'm so noob :(

when something breaks i always get blamed, my dad.. he actually says to me that everything i touch just breaks.... im bad luck every thing i touch breaks
*grabs my hand
im not going to break