Thursday, April 30, 2009

nothing i expected

the plan for today was to

sleep on bus - didnt happen
be with him - didnt happen
run 1.5 k get it over with - didnt happen
sleep on bus - didnt happen

it didn't work out for me today. & today i just couldn't go with the flow like a usually do.
i chose to be mad, upset, angry, i just chose to let everything affect me today.. when i could've just ignoredand accept it.

ive been so out of it lately... i haven't been my self and i hate it
im changing and i can tell its for the worste.
I'm not like this. i hate being emotional and i hate being paranoid all the time
im so sorry.

"she's so pretty but she but doesn't always act that way
her mood's out swinging on the swing set almost every day
she said to me that she's so stressed out that it's soothing
and all i said was "someone get that girl a mood ring"

relient k - mood ring

Sunday, April 26, 2009


-did you kiss her?
-yes i did.

I don't know why. but i couldn't function for the whole day yesterday because i thought about the same things over and over again. I know it shouldn't bother me at all. I'm not mad at you and I'm not mad at her, I have no reason to be. all i can say is it hurt to hear it. Even though i already knew the answer before i asked. it hurt. And for the whole day i didn't know how to talk to you, i think i played it cool enough.. so you didn't notice how much it affected me. ill try and get over this... but for now i don't want to hold your hand, i don't even want to see you but at the same time i do. why does every thing you say and everything you've already said seem like lies to me now. I'm sorry i know its stupid, and i hope i get over it.

I never really told you what i was most scared of... take a guess.

and this is probably the most corniest thing i have ever written.
see what blogs due to me?
sorry for the rant. if anyone actually wasted their time reading this which hopefully no one is. im sorry.

...........and this is what i was feeling today.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Here it goes.

So the whole writing bits and pieces of my life for people to see makes me feel a little uneasy. But i think it could help me to just remember how i felt on certain days and most importantly why.. cause seriously i don't know why i do the things i do sometimes.
agghh its been so long since I've used html, I'm so noob :(

when something breaks i always get blamed, my dad.. he actually says to me that everything i touch just breaks.... im bad luck every thing i touch breaks
*grabs my hand
im not going to break